Living in LoCo
Kids Going Solo: Independence or Irresponsible?
Tammi Marcoullier at 4:52 p.m., September 5, 2007 (13 comments)
Today we let our first grader walk to the bus stop without us. In some communities this is not a good thing,. It could even be considered neglect, or abuse for the "danger" factor involved.
She thinks she's a big kid and ready to take on some independence, so there was heavy negotiation for this privilege. It is a one block walk and there are 16 other children at the stop, along with one or both parents. (Before you start sending hate mail about what horrible parents we are, note that we did talk with one neighbor who went along with her own child.) The minutes ticked by while I sat there click-clacking on my computer and waiting for the fallout.
The phone call from another neighbor came minutes after the bus departed -- some of the kids were running on a nearby hill and ours took a tumble. Our neighbor said she brushed it off and recovered quickly and well. I wonder if the tears would have been bigger and more urgent if we had been there to "aww, poor baby" her. (Which, if any of you actually know me, you know I'm just not that kind of gal.) And I was proud to hear that she handled herself so well -- really, her dad and I are not going to be helicopter parents forever.
Since I see that parents of even fifth graders accompany their kids to the bus stop, I'm wondering if that is normal and good, or is it just something indicative of living in the 'burbs these days.
It is no exaggeration to say that many of us walked up to a mile or a bit more, or maybe even took public transportation to school, all without the assistance of a parent. As a third grader, the 1.2 mile trek we had didn't phase me, unless the neighborhood "leader" made you a target. But we had those little triangles displayed in homes where an adult was available if needed, safety patrols (ah, the power of the bright orange or yellow belt), and crossing guards.
Middle school kids totally get a break from the "embarrassment" of looming parents, but the flip side is seeing them push each other around before and after school. I've even stepped in to stop some ugly bullying when driving by one of our neighborhood stops.
The county school administration does not have a "hard and fast policy" on parents accompanying their kids to bus stops, said spokesman Wayde Byard, but it does encourage parents to at least arrange with a neighbor or friends for an adult to go along. He mentioned that there are also issues with some of the older kids taking shortcuts or wooded paths to school, which can't be prevented if parents aren't willing to step in.
There are also three short years between the time kids are in middle school with heavy (sometimes) monitoring of their whereabouts to the freewheeling freedom high school students have with drivers licenses and cars. Responsibility cannot be taught overnight.
At what age do you think kids should be able to get to school on their own?
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I remember walking uphill to and from school in bare feet. The guy in the white van always asking if we needed a ride. We said that we liked walking.
Kids have it so easy today.
Posted by stixnstones (anonymous) on September 5, 2007 at 5 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I remember trudging what seemed like miles to school in the 1st through 6th grades in the Philly suburbs, before we moved to a school district where I needed to take a bus to school. I recently went back to my old neighborhood, and was shocked to find out that the walk to school was about 3 blocks long. What a wuss!!
Posted by virginia.hall2 (anonymous) on September 5, 2007 at 8:46 p.m. (Suggest removal)
It is entirely too dangerous for elementary age children to walk to school unaccompanied. In any neighborhood. Is it really worth the risk?
Posted by Paula_Strand (anonymous) on September 6, 2007 at 9:58 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I have to side with you on this one, Tammi. I think my neighborhood, like most of the suburbs around here, is quite safe. If I didn't feel safe, I would move. Last time I checked, the stats for stranger abductions had not increased. What, exactly, are people afraid of? I asked my neighbor why she accompanies her 10-year-old to the bus stop each day. She told me that the other parents would think her negligent if she let her daughter walk alone. So it's better to worry about what others think of you than to help your child grow into an independent, well-adjusted adult?
Posted by jleete (anonymous) on September 6, 2007 at 11:58 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I've heard of parents following the bus to school that first day (esp. Grade - K) to make sure their child got off and safely made it into school - now THAT's over the top..
Gotta agree with Paula on this one, though. It is not worth the risk. Kids (even teens) should not walk unaccompanied to school. The situation is perfect for the bad guys. Empty neighborhood (most parents at work), regular schedule, predictable prey (and that is what kids are to these animals - prey). It may only be statistically a few but if it is avoidable why take the risk. No neighborhood is any more or less safe - it truly is a random thing.
Walk with your kids - meet them at the bus stop. It is just as good for their self esteem to know they are safe and their parent cares enough about them to take the time out of their schedule to meet them.
Posted by Eric101 (anonymous) on September 6, 2007 at 2:03 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I guess it all depends on how comfortable you feel in your neighborhood, and how close the bus stop is. My previous house in Herndon had a middle school bus stop right out in front, and I can only think of one parent who would take her daughter to the bus stop in the 7 years I lived there. All the other kids walked.
I walked to school almost every day for 5 1/2 years, and never had an incident (that was in the early to mid-70's). Most of the time I walked with either my siblings or my friends, and that is the key - buddy up if possible. I don't ever remember parents walking with us to either school or the bus stop, and we all turned out pretty normal.
Posted by rablrouser (anonymous) on September 6, 2007 at 2:39 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I walked to school, sans parents, as a first grader, but I always had my neighbor friends with me--we traveled in a pack. It was a taste of independence with a healthy dose of safety mixed in. Do you have neighboring kids who could walk in a "herd?"
Posted by christilyn (anonymous) on September 7, 2007 at 9:29 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I'm fine with my kindergartener walking to the bus stop by himself. There are other kids around, and let's face it, you don't have to be faster than the shark, just faster than your friends. Seriously though, there are just as many teens and adults getting kidnapped as little kids. Are you gonna walk your 12th grader to the bus stop? Where do you draw the line? Are you gonna stop sending your kids to school completely because there was a school shooting? There were shootings in my high school while I was there. The next day, we were back at school.
Posted by xcop (anonymous) on September 7, 2007 at 3:30 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Back at school the next day? Thank God for early parole!
Posted by cer10death (anonymous) on September 9, 2007 at 8:05 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Not parole, I just didn't get caught. :)
Posted by xcop (anonymous) on September 10, 2007 at 7:46 p.m. (Suggest removal)
OOHHH I'm telling!
Gee for an xcop, you're not a very good shot!
Posted by cer10death (anonymous) on September 10, 2007 at 8:09 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I only needed to qualify with a 70% on the shooting range. I don't know why the department got mad when I hit an innocent bystander 30% of the time. :)
Posted by xcop (anonymous) on September 11, 2007 at 8:34 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Nothing that a "drop piece" won't fix...at least that's what I was taught in the police academy.
Posted by cer10death (anonymous) on September 12, 2007 at 8:57 p.m. (Suggest removal)
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